


Pulling pigtails

by JauntyHako



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: But so can Kili, Fíli can be an asshole, Hate to Love, M/M, Ori is adorable, They really just love each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-23
Updated: 2013-12-23
Packaged: 2018-01-05 19:02:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1097519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JauntyHako/pseuds/JauntyHako
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pre-Hobbit. For a prompt on the kinkmeme way back in round 2, which I somehow only now found:</p>
<p>we all had possesive Kili or Fili and tender Kili/Fili etc.<br/>Now I'd like to see them both hating the hell out of each other. Since they were younger they were always fighting and their mother didn't know what to do about it.<br/>I always wondered why Kili and Fili didn't arrive at bag end with Thorin, soooo, I thought that maybe Thorin had enough of their fighting and sent them on an adventure. Alone. Right before the one concerning the hobbit.<br/>I'd like to read something that makes them realise that they hated each other so much because they knew it would be wrong to love each other. Something like that. or something else... surprise me!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Pretty much what it says on the tin. Not beta'ed. All mistakes are my own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pulling pigtails

**Author's Note:**

> Just wrote this in two days. Wasn't so much inspired by the prompt itself but by the marvelous fill it got.  
> See any mistakes, don't hesitate to comment.

Fili knew that theoretically there had to be some instances of love between siblings. His mother and uncle got along well enough (as long as it didn't come to helping with the household) and Bombur and Bofur who occasionally visited were as close as brothers could be. So perhaps his relationship with his little brother was the exception and not the rule. To tell the truth he couldn't imagine someone else having to put up with an annoying little brother who _constantly_ wanted to dangle from his coat. He wouldn't wish it on anyone.

"I said no! Go play with your friends or do whatever. I don't care. Just don't bother me all the time."

Kili remained persistent.

"Mum said you should help me practice with the bow. You have to. Mum said so."  
" _Mum said so._ " Fili mimicked in mockery. "Just listen to yourself, you baby."

"I'm not a baby! I'm going to tell Mum!"

Kili ran off.

Fili just rolled his eyes. He could scarcely believe his brother was only five years younger than him. He behaved like a toddler, despite him being old enough to drink.

Putting Kili from his mind, Fili continued on his way to the tavern in desperate need for a drink.

 

The lass sitting on Filis lap swore she was half-dwarf, which amused him greatly. He rocked her back and forth pressing his groin to her side every now and then which always provoke a giggle.

"But you're so hairless. Has no one told you dwarven men appreciate a bit of fur to crawl into?" he jested, emptying his tankard.

"Oh, I'm not hairless everywhere." she crooned and to emphasise her words turned around to straddle him. He skirt got lifted up so high that Fili could see a bit of her thigh peeking out. He smacked her skin lightly which caused her to yelp and laugh.

"You say that, but how am I supposed to know the truth, hm?"

Again the lass giggled and leaned forward. Her tongue lapped out at his ear and he gasped at her forwardness.

"Well you just have to find out, don't you?"

Fili was sitting with his back to the door which in hindsight wasn't such a good idea. Before he could reply with some witty one-liner that would get him a step closer into the girl's panties, she ooo'ed and aaa'ed in delight.

"Master Fili, who is that? Is he one of your friends? I bet I could handle both of you, no problem."

Fili looked over his shoulder and saw, to his horror, Kili making his way to the bar. Already some of the lasses smickered at him, one squealing and blushing as he winked at her. Even the lass in Filis lap - _who had plenty of dwarf to handle already, thank you very much -_ seemed positively smitten by his little brother. Bile rose in Filis throat but he swallowed it down and forced himself to smile.

"That's nobody, love. Just some no good. Can't even work the forge without banging on his own thumb."

"Then maybe I could kiss it better."

Fili was short of marching over to his brother and kicking him out of the tavern personally. But he still had a chance at the lass. He grabbed her by the hips, a bit desperately perhaps.

"I know something else you can kiss." he whispered into her ear but in that precise moment Kili chose to look over to his lass and sent her a wicked smile. Fili almost fell forward as the girl climbed out of his lap and over to his damned baby brother. He was left to nurse his ale, which he did and - for good measure - half a dozen others as well. He didn't turn around to watch Kili charm the girls into his pants, but when he started singing romantic songs - hitting only every second note - he threw his payment on the table amd left.

 

The next day started with family breakfast. It was something Dís insisted on having at least once a week. Usually Thorin and Fili were away on business, either slaving away at the forge or delivering their craftsmanship to the farther villages. But both of them had to bow to the woman's will if they intended to keep their beards and so dutifully sat down once a week to eat together. That, unfortunately, meant having to put up with Kili which was something Fili hated doing under the best of circumstances but especially when he hadn't gotten laid because of him.

He glowered at Kili who did his best impression of an innocent smile. He sat across his brother, happily buttering his bread as if nothing in the world could ruin his mood. If the noises of hasty retreat in the early hours before dawn were anything to go by, _he_ hadn't gone to bed alone.

"Anything funny, _brother_ , or are you just delighted at the smell of your own farts?" he asked, only to be promptly reprimanded by their mother.

"Fili! Mind your words. I won't have such language at the table."

Fili ducked his head and was forced, under the gloating grin of his brother, to mutter a "Sorry, mum."

Of course Kili couldn't just let that stand.

"Really, brother, you seem rather cross this morning. Bed's been too cold?"

"Oh, I show you too cold, you little ..." Fili bit his tongue in the last second, unwilling to draw his mothers wrath to himself. "At least _I_ have a proper beard to warm my face, unless some, who look like elven maids."

"You take that back!"

But Fili was too riled up to listen. He and Kili had sprung up from their chairs, standing nose to nose and fuming with anger. Even his mothers sharp reprimands rung on deaf ears.  
"The hell I will! You're not even a real dwarf! I bet you're not even my brother! I _bet_ you are adopted!"  
" _That's enough!_ "

Fili was pressed down into his chair by the voice alone, his muscles reacting without his consent. Kili had done the same, sitting hunched up there as if bracing himself for a good whacking. Thorin stared at them both through dark eyes, just daring them to breathe too loudly. It happened rarely that their uncle saw the need to intervene in their quarrels but both brothers dreaded when he did.

"That's enough." he repeated slower, voice less louder but far more threatening. Fili ducked his head deeper. "I will not have you ruin every single time this family gets together. Times are hard enough as it is, without you bickering like infants. Now apologise to your mother and get to your rooms. You will not come down until morning."

Both of them whispered an apology, shame tinting their cheeks and ears red, before scurrying off upstairs.

 

"This is all your fault." Fili hissed when they were just out of earshot. Below he could hear Thorin packing his things for work and leaving, closely followed by their mother, who would spent the day in the market, selling the goods Thorin had made. Before she left, Fili could hear her locking the door to the pantry and then the front door, thus making sure the brothers couldn't go against their uncles orders. She didn't call them goodbye either.

"My fault? You started this!" Kili retorted a few bits louder than his brother, now that they were alone.

"You took that lass yesterday only because I had her first. You did that on purpose."

"So what if I did? If you can't even keep a cheap tavern wench interested that's hardly my fault."

The first punch rewarded Fili with a satisfying crack. Kili stumbled back but only for a second before lunging himself at his brother. The tumbled to the ground, exchanging punches and kicks and rolling around on the floor. One blow caught Fili right on his eye but in return he managed to ram his knee into Kilis side. His brother, nearly being thrown off, grabbed Filis hair and _pulled_.

"You little shit! You fight like a girl!"

"And you like a baby! I can hardly feel you!"

Fili retorted by knocking his head against Kilis nose as hard as he could. He heard his brother grunt and then saw red blood gushing from his nose.

"Nngh - You bastard!"

They continued like this for only Mahal knew how long until Fili ached all over, already bruising but at least not bleeding. When they finally parted, leaning heavyly breathing against opposite walls, Fili had the first chance to really appreciate his work on his brother. The blood on Kilis face had dried but was smeared in such a way that it looked way worse than it actually was. His right eye was dark and swollen, much like Filis own. Both their clothes were disheveled and torn at some places. Fili looked down at himself and cursed inwardly. No way could he explain that to his mother. Kili seemed to think something similar for he regarded his own attire with something between anger and shame.

Without looking at each other they stormed to their rooms, shutting the doors behind them as loud as they could manage.

 

Thorin cameback late in the evening, and Fili could hear the supper fizzling in the pan and his stomach growled. His only consolation was that Kili must feel the same way right now. He walked up to the door and opened it only the tiniest bit, enough that the voices from downstairs were a bit louder. He still couldn't understand a thing, for his mother and uncle spoke with hushed voices, but he recognised the tone. His mother sounded tired more than ever but pleading still. Fili had overheard enough of their talks to know what she's saying.

_It's just a phase, they will get over it_. And _They're just boys. Brothers fight. You and Frerin used to fight a lot when you were kids. It's normal._

But Fili knew that it's not and Thorin knew and their mother knew, too, even if she couldn't bring herself to admit it. And so Thorin, his voice stronger and more urgent would reply.

_This has to stop, Dís. They are royalty, they should be loving and cherishing each other, not going about ripping each others throats out. Fili will be King under the Mountain one day and Kili must stand by his side when it is time_.

In these moments, when he could hear who was essentially his father talk about him with such disappointment, Fili feels deeply ashamed and promises to himself to make peace with his brother, at least in front of the family. But then Kili had to do something stupid or spit an insult and he simply couldn't help himself, he couldn't have his younger brother ridiculing him. He looked up when he heard heavy footsteps climbing the stairs and quickly closed the door, but not before seeing Kili in his room do the same. He hurried back to his bed and tried to act as if he had not spied. He needn't have bothered. Thorin went to Kili first and for a while Fili heard nothing. Then of course, because his brother was a baby and couldn't take a telling off for what it was, their voices rose until Thorin had to shout. Their uncle was not really a loud man, not really. When he told them stories as young boys his voice could be so soft and lulling that Fili couldn't tell it from the wind outside. But his voice was intense and he didn't need to speak loud to make his nephew's bones vibrate. Fili sat there in anguish, knowing that by the time his uncle would come to him he would be all riled up by his little brothers insubordination.

_Kili, you bastard. You're doing that on purpose_. he thought but he didn't know if that's true or if he was giving his brother too much credit.

Thorin did come to him then and he was riled up and he didn't even wait for a flimsy excuse, not that Fili could have come up with even that, before he starts to reprimand him. He calls him a shame to Durin's line, tells him how he is not fit to be a prince lest of all a king. Thorin says how he wanted a strong and good warrior as a nephew, not a whining babe. He says that come the day to retake Erebor he doesn't know if he shouldn't just leave them behind, because he doesn't know if he can rely on them if he has too.

Fili assured his uncle that he could rely on him, that he was all grown up and strong, even though he knew Thorin won't have any of that. If he's really honest with himself, he knows it's not the truth, either.

When Thorin finally left and Fili could curl up into his blankets he wished his brother had never been born. He wished he was an only child still and his uncle and mother would be proud of him.

 

Three days later he is sent away. His uncle has prepared everything and Fili knows he should be glad, because the task he is sent on has to do with reclaiming their homeland and his mother looks so proud at him when she dusted off his coat, but he doesn't feel glad. Thorin asked him to try and gather support from distant relatives and he demanded Fili to take his brother with him. Kili doesn't look too pleased either. But both smile for their mother and manage to make without arguing until they are well out of the city, both perched on ponies, traveling gear safely stored.

"I don't understand why uncle wants you even along." Fili groaned when Kili almost fell of his pony as they climbed a steep hill. His brother never enjoyed riding much, unlike Fili who likes feeling so tall that he can look over the heads of men.

"Because one of us has to do the actual work." Kili retorted. It lacked the spite it usually had. When they were small lads, still an age where they could get well enough along, Kili used to be motion sick. He had overcome that particular hindrance but didn't enjoy traveling via anything but foot all the same.

"The only work you are fit doing is that of an elf. Maybe if you dance for our relatives they will come along."

"Kiss my ass, Fili. You're just jealous."

Fili stopped his pony abruptly and motioned it around so that Kili almost collided with him. He came up to his brother so close that their noses almost touched.

"Jealous of what?" He whispered a sharp edge in his voice. "That the human lasses in town swoon after you? You arrogant little prick think you're so much better than anyone else, don't you. But I tell you one thing. No dwarven woman would even look twice at you. You are an ugly half-breed and not _one_ of our people thinks you're anything but. The moment we reclaim Erebor is the moment where all of your little victories dissolve into nothing because that's what they are in the first place. Nothing. You are nothing and you're worth nothing, _brother_."

He could tell his words cut deep by the way Kili stayed quiet even as they rode on. They ignored each other for the better part of the day and Fili, riding up front, did his best not to think too much about what he said. It's true which was part of the problem. Among the humans of the blue mountains Kili was quite handsome to a degree where his reputation preceded him. But among dwarves he looked like ... not much, really. All Durins were famous for their beards but because of some cruel trick of fate, Kilis own took its dear time to grow. As a result his face looked naked and elvish, which wasn't helped by the fact that his whole stature was about half the width of a normal dwarf. Fili suspected his brother knew and only did his best to hide behind the fact that at least some of the free races could find him attractive. Maybe he had been a bit too harsh. But on the other hand Kili would use every opportunity presented to him to ridicule his brother. Why should he make allowances for his baby brother?

 

That night Fili dreamt though if it was indeed dream or memory he couldn't tell. He and Kili were small again and out with their father on their first hunting trip. They bathed in a stream, washing off the sweat and dirt of the day, splashing each other with water. It was a warm day but the water was icy cold and soon they were shivering.

He could hear their father calling out for them, laughing at the they looked like plucked chicken. He lit a fire and gave them blankets to huddle up into. They ate roasted pheasant and joked and laughed. Kili poked him and for a second Fili was his old self again and Kili looked just the way he did and they touched each other as if it were the most natural thing. Then they were children again and Kilis baby smile defied his shivering.

"I'm still cold." he said as if entrusting his brother with a grave secret. Fili smiled in return and pulled his brother close, hugging him tightly to his chest.

"Warmer?" he asked into Kilis ear and there it was again, his nose buried in hair that hadn't been so long back when they had been wee lads.

"Yes. Don't stop, though."

Only now Fili realised he was stroking his brothers hair and kissing his scalp. Over the fire he saw their father looking fondly at them.

"Savour these moments, boys." he said, turning the pheasant roast in the fire. "People won't look fondly on you being so close when you're older."

"We'll always be close." Kili protested, but Fili couldn't speak. Rope tightened around his throat, making speaking and breathing nigh impossible. "Right, Fili? Fili?"

Fili woke with a start and stared at Kili who had called his name. He looked cross and turned away to saddle the ponies as soon as Fili got up.

They packed camp in silence and in fact didn't talk until they reached their first destination. The knot that had cut off his throat in his dream hadn't dissolved yet. They left their ponies in a nearby stable, paying a price that, Fili surmised, was lower the more weapons the stable owner could see and made their way to one of the many alleys of the town. There, half hidden between a baker and a warehouse, was a tiny little shop, packed full to the top. A crowd of children had gathered outside and jubilated as the shop owner set down a tiny tin soldier and wound it's clockwork up. The soldier sets forward, through the legs of the children, sword hacking in steady motions away. The children follow laughing. Fili can't help but smile himself. He has a similar toy soldier, only his is made of gold where hair and beard are and the sword is dark silver. He saw Kili with an expression on unlike his own as they watched the toy soldier march off.

"Mister Bofur." The toymaker turns around and his face lights up with recognition.  
"Lads! It's good to see you. It's been ages."

He hugged them both at the same time and even though Fili and Kili were crushed together, arms and hips and legs rubbing against each other, Fili enjoyed the hug. Bofur could give the best hugs, almost as good as his brother Bombur's who had the advantage of a huge soft belly to get lost in. They stood there for a small eternity just enjoying each other's company. When Bofur finally let got he was grinning broadly.

"Come in, come in. Bombur will be so glad to see you. No one enjoyed his steaks quite as you did. I'll make him do early lunch, he'll be so pleased. You are hungry, aren't you? Of course you're hungry, you're still growing. Come in."

"I'm 81, Bofur. I'm not growing anymore." Fili laughed.

"Nonsense. Look at you both. You need to pack on a few pounds. In width if nothing else."

The were ushered into the shop which through a door at the backside led to the home Bofur and his brother had made for themselves. It was a cozy two room house, full with the scent of oils and cooking. The smell came directly from Filis childhood and nested in his brain as one of the most wonderful things on this world. Bombur came out from the kitchen and, like his brother before him, subjected the brothers to a warm, soft hug, the likes of which Fili hoped he would get until they were all too old to lift their arms.

They had their early lunch, only that it was early lunch, lunch and late lunch all in one. Bombur cooked lots and good and they didn't stop eating until the sun was on it's downward journey and they so full that even their loose coats felt awfully tight. They talked about old times, about news from their respective homes and told each other stories that fitted in neither category. And when the table had been cleaned once more and they had gone through their second serving of ale, Fili began explaining why they were here in the first place.

He told of the dragons and the rumours that he might no longer be guarding the treasure. He told of Durinsday and Thorin's quest, about loyalty and bravery and an adventure scribes would be telling stories about for all eternity. About halfway through, when neither Bofur nor Bombur seemed particulary convinced, and Fili at wit's end, it was Kili who came to his help. He chimed in with talk about riches unending, about friendship forged in fire. About claiming a heritage that was theirs. He talked about noble goals and companionship. Fili picked up the thread by relaying to them tales of their Uncle, the deeds he did and if one could reclaim Erebor it would be him. But he could only do it, so Kili said again, with their help. Bofur remarked that he was just a toymaker and Bombur a cook, hardly the stuff warriors were made of. But it was spoken hesitantly and in his eyes gleamed a sense of adventure. It didn't need much persuasion after that, until he leaned back, petting his belly and - after one look at his brother who nodded - sighed deeply but content.

"You two work together like a clockwork. I do not fancy getting between your gears so I'll just say yes and be done with it. Thorin can count on us in the adventure to come. If we're lucky we can get our cousin Bifur in it, too."

Fili was so relieved it had worked that he didn't recognise what they had done until he and his brother had retired to a nearby inn. He worked on rebraiding his mustache when it hit him.

They _had_ worked together, clicking into each other with ease as if they had done nothing else their entire lives.

He glanced at Kili, who tended to his own hair by brushing it furiously. His cheeks were red, likely from the fair share of ale they both had. Bofur was nothing but a generous host and he had refilled their tankards so often that even Fili had to put a stop to it at one point. Later he would blame the alcohol for what was about to happen. Right now he didn't feel blame to apply.

"You are going to end up bald like Dwalin if you continue like this." he commented, feeling heat pool in his stomach as Kili regarded him with a scorching stare.

"Well maybe then I look at least dwarfish enough for your tastes, your prettiness." he spat. But he stopped combing through his hair as if going into battle.

Fili didn't know what to say to that. He opened his mouth and closed it again. To hell with it, he thought. Talking was overrated.

He got up and marched over to his brother who flinched back as if expecting a blow. When none came he carefully turned around watching as Fili made himself comfortable around Kilis back. Fili wound the brush carefully from Kilis fingers and took his hair in hand, carefully untangling the knots and brushing every single strand. Panic filled his mind but he told himself to remain calm. He had started this now he had to end it. For almost twenty years he hadn't touched Kilis hair, much less brushed it and now here he was, finding himself to do exactly that when just a few days ago they had been exchanging blows. What had he been thinking? To just walk over to his hated little brother and brush his hair as if they were wee dwarrows again. Neither of them said a word and it was a tense silence, one where each felt as if a single wrong sound could snap the chords. Kili sat stiff as a rock, his hands grabbing the blanket under him hard. Filis own hands shook like mad, and every now and then, when he could feel the shudder going through his brothers body at the pleasant sensation of having his hair brushed, his breath hitched.

This was way too intimate, too far into territory they had left behind years ago. This wasn't just a friendly gesture. This was the deepest sign of trust and affection a dwarf could possibly show another. Why had he even let him? Why wasn't Kili doing something, _anything_ , to stop his brother from brushing his hair. He just sat there as if all this wasn't happening, every breath forced.

Fili knew this had to stop, instantly. By now Kilis hair fell down his shoulders like a waterfall in the night, the mithril clasp shining like a beacon in its midst. And yet he couldn't but carded his fingers through the soft hair, massaged patterns into Kilis scalp which had him gasping. That broke the spell. Fili stopped mid-motion. His ears were heating up in embarrassment, and it was no relief to see that it was the same with his brother. He pulled his hands back and came shakily to his feet. The whole time he feared Kili would turn around, demand explanation. But he didn't. Fili couldn't hear his brother move until he was lying in his own bed, shutting his eyes tight. He listened to the ruffling of sheets and then silence.

Fili didn't find much sleep that night.

 

The next days were spent in awkward, tense silence, as they were traveling south to were they planned to meet with Dori and his brothers. Fili could ony vaguely remember the gruff old dwarf and his rogueish little brother Nori. The youngest of the three, Ori, he had never met.

Fili and Kili went to ignoring each other as much as possible, but Fili knew this kind of truce and waited for the inevitable to happen. But nothing happened, not even when Fili took the lead in approaching Dori in the matter of his quest. The old dwarf didn't have to be persuaded but asked, with a great deal of embarrassment, for his brother to be released from prison. Thorin had, in wise foresight, given Fili a decree that allowed the local authorities to release Nori for the time being. After that it was just packing things and a devastated Ori, who couldn't believe he wasn't allowed to come along.

"You are far too young to embark on a journey like this, young dwarf." Dori said and it sounded final. Fili and Kili listened awkwardly not meeting anyone's eye. Ori protested still but had no chance but to oblige. Dori spoke his last word and then asked Fili to come with them, to plan the details of this quest. Fili had a bad feeling about leaving poor innocent Ori into his brothers care but, as it was, had not much choice.

When he returned, both were gone. Filis heart sank. Undoubtedly Kili had done something stupid. If something was to happen to Ori, his eldest brother would refuse to go in this journey, Fili was sure. He was just glad Dori had retired for the night already, which gave Fili a whole night to search for Kili and Ori.

The first thing he did was to check all the taverns. He doubted Dori allowed Ori to visit them on his own but then again, Kili had his very own ideas of what was allowed and what not. He didn't find them there but a helpful dwarven patron recognised the two from Filis description and pointed out that they had left not half an hour ago, but where to he couldn't say.

Fili cursed as he marched to the outskirts of the city, swearing he would bend his brother over his knee for all the trouble he caused. He could be in a warm and cozy bed right now, worrying about nothing at all were it not for Kili. He would shave this sad excuse of a stubble right of his face if he had gotten Ori into trouble.

In the end, it was Kili and Ori who found him. Or rather stumbled across him, laughing like mad, their hands full of something Fili didn't immediately recognise in the darkness. When Kili saw his older brother his laugh froze, but Ori seemed as careless as ever. "Master Fili! Look what we found!"

He held out his hands and now Fili saw what they had been snatching.

"Thrush eggs. You've been stealing thrush eggs from their nests. In the night. When all kinds of things roam about. Have you gone completely mad?"

The last sentence was aimed at Kili, who put himself between Fili and Ori as if to protect one from the other.

"Mahal, grow a pair, we were just having fun."

Fili was short of smacking his brother.

"I don't call it fun, when you just leave without telling anyone where to. If something were to happen to Ori, Dori would have our heads. Not to mention that neither he nor Nori would ever join our quest. But you haven't thought of that, did you? You were just seeking your own entertainment, selfish brat that you are."

"You don't even know what you're talking about. You act as if you were our Uncle, but you're not! You are just some cheap surrogate and no one is taking you seriously."

"I will teach you to take me seriously."

With that Fili threw himself at his brother, fully intending to teach him some manners. Ori stumbled back, shocked at the brother's animosity. Kili put up a good fight and gave as good as he took. They were wedged into each other, legs and arms and hands pulling and pushing and hitting and kicking. All the tension Fili had felt these last few days broke loose. He wanted to make his brother pay for the awful things he made him feel, for the knot of worry that he had put into him, as he took off with Ori. Everything could have happened to the little one. Kili's sense of direction was worse than their uncles, they could have gotten lost in the woods, freezing in the night. Poor little Ori would have been so scared and probably hurt and hungry and lost. Just because his stupid brother got it in his head to have a little adventure. He had gotten the advantage by now, straddling Kilis hips and hitting him repeatedly. Kili couldn't do much beside shielding his head from the blows, his arms bruised, his lip bleeding profusely. Fili still hit him, dealing blow after blow. Because of Kili he had to go from tavern to tavern, search the pitch black woods. Because of Kili he had to worry himself sick. Because of Kili all this mess had happened, all this tension, and anger and the knots around his throat and stomach, drawing closer with each passing day ...

"Stop it!" To everyone's surprise it was Ori who had spoken up. Fili stilled and realised only now that Kili had stopped fighting back a while ago. He looked as if he had been mangled by a bear and for a second Fili wondered if he had just overseen his bruises in the dark until he realised it had been him to inflict them.

Ori meanwhile seemed rather startled by his own sudden bravery and looked about as if making sure the world hadn't turned upside down. But then he spoke on. "Please, Master Fili, don't fight. Kili just wanted to cheer me up. He said if I could show my brother how I could take care of my own and that I was just as quick and strong as any of you, then he would let me come along. I'm only a year younger than Kili and I thought ... it's not fair that I have to stay behind. I want to do my part, too. Please, if you have to punish someone, punish me. It's not Kili's fault. He meant well."

Fili stared at the dwarf with his mittens and knitted cardigan and big, lamb like eyes. Ori had seen the way he beat up his brother and here he was, offering to take the blame when it was clearly not his fault. Only when Kili began squirming under him he realised he was still sitting atop his brother and got up, closing in on Ori, who flinched but didn't back down. In his eyes was a defiance that surprised Fili.

"This quest we are embarking on is a dangerous one, Ori. Your brothers could never live with themselves if something where to happen to you. They just want you to be safe."

"But I won't be safe. If they leave for this quest then I will be all alone in a city of men. I'd rather face danger in the company of my brothers than facing it alone. Master Fili, please understand. I love my brothers so dearly, I just want to be at their side. Surely you know how that feels."

Fili opened his mouth to reply, but it was Kili who did.

"Don't bother, Ori. Fili knows nothing of being brothers. He's so self-absorbed I wonder he even noticed we were gone in the first place. Come on, let's go back."

He took Ori gently by the shoulder and walked on, leaving Fili to trail behind them. The sure step of Ori and Kili showed him that they at least knew their way back. They weren't lost. They had just relieved a few thrushes of their eggs. Nothing bad had happened. Fili stared at his bruised knuckles and thought about how he had just beaten his brother. Not fought with him or brawled. But beaten. Kili had stopped fighting back and still he hadn't stopped. His brow furrowed. It was Kilis fault. He had been worried sick about Ori. It was his fault for not telling him where they went and for being so immature. Fili had had every right to punish his younger brother.

 

The next morning he told Kili to ride ahead and that he would catch up with him as soon as he had finished business. Kili shot him a doubtful look but didn't protest. Fili didn't think he would.

He had a long talk with Dori and Nori and then, after a while, with Ori, too. He felt as if he had to make something up for his behaviour the night before. When he finally did take his leave, Ori looked as happy as the man in the moon. He tightly clutched a leatherbound book to his chest, full of empty pages to be filled on the quest ahead. Fili still had doubts about convincing Dori to let his littlest brother follow him on this quest. But they could use a scribe, that much was true.

While the three brothers remained to wrap up their business, Fili rode southwards to the Shire where they would all meet up. He rode until late afternoon at a brisk speed when the thought dawned on him that he should have run into his brother by now. He had told him to stay on the road and not stray even half a mile from it. The road was full of bandits and other unpleasant folk. Fili didn't fancy a skirmish with them. He doubled back on the road in case he missed something or someone. He took smaller paths forwards and backwards, drew circles along the road until it was well after midday. He was sweaty and hungry but he didn't allow himself rest. Anything could have gotten hold of Kili. He could be dead by now. Fili made his pony go faster.

As if on cue he heard the roaring laughter of men just a few paces away. He spurned on his pony until he came in view of a clearing a little away from the road. A group of bandits, all human as far as he could see, had made their camp and were having great fun. And there, right in their middle, knelt a bound and gagged Kili. Fili could see the fear in his eyes even from this distance. He came closer, leaving his pony behind when the undergrowth got to thick.

"Maybe we ought to have a little fun with him before we cut his throat." One of the men said. Fili put his hand on the hilt of his sword but didn't draw it yet.

"Aye, he's such a pretty lad. Looks sort of elvish."

"Shortest elf I've ever seen." said the first man and then crossed his eyes as a heavy boot hit him right between the legs. He fell first to his knees and then head first into the ground as Fili kicked him between the shoulder blades.

"He's a dwarf and my brother. If you run right now, I might just let you live."  
Fili smiled a toothy grin. One of the bandits drew his sword at him. Fili dealt him a swing with his own blade that nearly cut off his arm and had the man screaming. The bandits, used to easy prey, fled. Fili waited until they were well away, before sheathing his sword and dashing over to Kili. He released Kili from his gag and cut the ropes that tied his brothers hands behind his back. Kili didn't take time to stretch. As soon as the last bit of thick rope fell into the ground he fell into Filis arms, holding onto his coat so hard his knuckles turned white. His one free hand found Filis neck and hair and he buried his fingers in it, pulling almost painfully on his hair. Fili hugged him back, a bit awkwardly perhaps, patting his head in an attempt to calm his little brother down.

"You came. You came for me. I thought I was done for. They ambushed me, I didn't even have time to draw my sword. But you're here. I thought you wouldn't come. I thought you would be glad I was gone." Kili said almost incoherently. As it was it took a few seconds to get the message through to his brain. Fili pulled his brother tighter. He could no langer blame his actions on the alcohol or tell himself he'd been worried for somebody else.

"You're my brother. I will always worry for you."  
"But I'm not. I'm not your brother."

Filis heart skipped a beat. And then another. After five seonds he was sure he had died. His hands felt like ice.

"Why would you say such a thing?" he asked, hoping that this was just a terrible misunderstanding. Hoping that he hadn't just opened up the tiniest bit just for Kili to crush everything he could find.

Kili looked up at him and only now did Fili see his cheeks were streaked with tears, his lips red and worried. The wound - the very same Fili had brought him - had opened again. Blood trickled to his chin and coloured his stubble darker.

"Because I want to kiss you, Fee. But not like a brother. Different."

Fili let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

He brushed one strand of Kilis hair behind his ear.

"I want to kiss you, too. Different."  
Kili looked up at him, all wide eyed and hopeful and desperate and Fili leant down and kissed him.

 

 

The taste of metal still filled Filis mouth as they made camp that night. Granted, even though they had been able to find Kilis pony they had been sharing one. Fili behind his little brother, leaning forward to kiss him. They stopped only when Kili complained about his neck hurting, which was when Fili took to nuzzling his little brothers neck and shoulders, sucking and biting whenever he found bare skin. He felt Kilis hands on his thighs and knees, the weight of his back against his chest.

He could have ridden on like that for all eternity, but the ponies got tired and they got tired. They made a meal from their supplies, eating with Kili still between Filis legs. They laid out one bedroll and then, in the dying fire, the lied there, face to face, looking at each other.

Fili could feel the warmth of Kilis hand on his cheek and put one of his own ontop of it. Kilis hands were so much smaller compared to his own, nimble and soft. He couldn't sleep, not like that, feeling still worried as if this was all a dream and he would wake up any moment and nothing would have changed between them.

Kili smiled at him.

"Don't look so cross. I'm starting to think you're having second thoughts." He sounded playful but Fili knew his brother long enought to hear the uncertainty in his voice. He nudged closer.

"Never. Never, Kili. I love you." Saying that felt good so Fili did it again. And again. And again until Kili laughed for the sheer silliness of it. Fili laughed with him, relieved that he could.

"I love you, too. I always have." he said when their laughter had died down.

"I know. I love you."

"Don't start this again." Kili threatened, despite his smile.

"But I like saying it to you. Because it's true. And I should have said it twenty years ago, instead of hiding like a coward."

"I was a coward, too, Fili. I was afraid what the others would say. What Mum and Uncle would say. But most of all I was afraid you'd reject me. I couldn't have lived with that. Fili, I felt so horrible for feeling this. I felt wrong and ashamed. I thought ... I thought somehow you knew and hated me for it."  
Fili knew well what Kili was speaking of. All this could have come out of his own mouth.

"Do you still feel wrong?"

Kili looked at him.

"No. I'm still scared, but I don't feel wrong."

For good measure he leant in and captured Filis lips for another kiss. A while they did just that, kissing, letting their tongues play with each other. Then they did it a while longer.

"I'm scared, too. But it feels better than making myself hate you. They will understand. Uncle will. The Company will. I will make them if they don't. I will never give this up again."

"I love you, Fili."

"Love you, too."


End file.
